@ Leah LaRiccia Photography 2013
If you are like me, planning something as grand as a 200 plus person wedding is more proof that despite everyone’s impression of you as a “laid-back” personality, you are actually the sort of person who lies awake at night thinking about the grammar of the menu card or whether you should cite poets on the translation page of the cocktail hour opera concert, (yes, that is a thing that happened at our wedding). I also would sometimes lie awake at night in anticipation, wondering how our wedding became a thing so closely resembling a variety show/three-ring circus. When I went looking at wedding venues with my dad and one coordinator showed me some photo albums, I couldn’t help but analyze (aloud) how the one photographer’s photos were too precious, while another’s were too perfunctory. My dad was, needless to say, embarrassed, and had to explain to the woman helping us that I am an “artist”, and therefore very picky. The picky thing— this is true. On more than one occasion, I have said “I wish I didn’t care about thus and so…”, because yes, that would have certainly made my life easier…
So here I am, several months after saying our “I-do’s” and here are, in no particular order, some things I have learned about the wedding planning process. I am no expert on the whole marriage thing yet, but here are some reflections on the journey that made me a "Sadie, Sadie, married lady". (~my girl Babs in Funny Girl, of course.)
1. It’s not cool to bore your friends with mundane details about the wedding all the time. With this statement, do not misunderstand me. It's not cool, but I did it anyway. B and I had a particularly long engagement for several reasons and I’m sure this contributed a lot to that special brand of stupidity I will call “wedding brain”. Your mind is on hyper-drive and all: Should we hire a jazz trio? Will the hydrangeas wilt too quickly? Should "Love like this remix" by Crooklyn Clan make the 'must play list'? (The answer to that one is yes.) Often times before social events, I set out specifically to “not-talk” about wedding stuff, only to find that I would end up being asked about it by some unsuspecting acquaintance who had no idea the wedding rabbit-hole we were all about to fall into. If I could do this over, I would have had a stock line, like one of my good friends who would say during her own wedding planning time: “If it’s okay, I’d love to talk about something else.”
2. In a related vein, have sympathy for brides. That bride is getting a lot of opinions thrown at her and when she may seem super-opinionated at times, it could just be in that way that she is trying to assert what she wants when the whole thing has spiraled far beyond her vision the day. Have I mentioned the three-ring circus thing yet? This also goes for the groom of course. Have patience for his wedding brain too. My own groom frankly deserves a medal for the stress of the two weeks surrounding the wedding alone.
3. Of all the details to obsess over, a good photographer is actually important. Since photos are one of the few things you get to keep, a good photographer, whose style you like and who makes you feel comfortable, will make the imperfections look beautiful too. When looking back at our wedding photos , they really do tell the story of our day because of the talented Leah LaRiccia and her second shooter, Shawn. Let me first describe the day. It was the record coldest Memorial Day weekend in Connecticut in years. It rained all day, and I mean poured, with the exception of five minutes. When the sun came out briefly during the salad course, one of my bridesmaids grabbed the photographers and B and I went outside for an impromptu shoot in the gorgeous, post-rain early evening light.
@ Leah LaRiccia Photography 2013
After the wedding day, so many guests saw the outside photos and asked “When did you guys sneak off together?” I had the same reaction when I saw the candid shots Leah had taken of us during cocktail hour. I only realized after the proofs came in that she had surreptitiously captured B and I from the balcony above as we listened to our friend Sam sing “Heimliche Aufforderung” by Richard Strauss.
@ Leah LaRiccia Photography 2013
This photo is a wonderful portrayal of a moment I remember quite vividly, when B and I drew closer together amidst all the bustle of cocktail hour. It says so much, not just about the beauty of the song and the poetry, but about how moved we were by all of our friends who put in the work to sing so beautifully throughout the entire day. The amazing part about this is that “Heimliche Aufforderung” or "Secret Invitation" is about a couple who sneak off to the garden together during a busy party, which we got to do later. We weren’t asked to promote Leah La Riccia’s work here, but she and Shawn were just our favorite vendors with whom we worked that day.
4. Take some time on the day of to just look around the room at all the people who are there to celebrate with you. You may not see some of these people again for years. I’ll always be glad I took several moments to take in the way all those special people came together that day of that year. In the same vein, take some time to just look at your spouse. B and I were lucky enough to have the car ride over from the church to the country club, (an unforgettable moment in which he detailed exactly how many beers his friends had plied him with at the hotel bar the night before), but we also had five minutes to ourselves by the dessert table while everyone was on the dance floor, no photographer, no videographer. I’ll always remember that happily.
5. That whole “my husband” thing will feel strange and wonderful. To me, I guess I didn’t realize it until I used the expression, but it always seemed like “husband” was a term that was earned over several years of marriage, not the instant you say those vows. I still remember the ring exchange, when the priest said to B in an instructional whisper; “Now, take your wife’s hand”. It had happened! It had happened just in that few minute span!
@ Leah LaRiccia Photography 2013
Our first dance on that rainy day in May was “Come rain or come shine” for a particularly poetic punch line. The year and a half long engagement also served to contribute to my sense of relief more than my sense of sadness at the wedding's ending. In the end, it was all just as magical and beautiful as we had hoped and it had most to do with our friends and family— the work of our wonderful bridal party, the gorgeous musical contributions of our friends, the heart felt readings and speeches, the travel efforts of so many guests, and all our new firsts as a couple. Also, it was a wicked good pahty.
Photos @ Leah LaRiccia Photography 2013
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