Is Parenting for you?!

Let me broach an important topic, knowing that approximately half of my readership is in their 30's and wrangling with the big questions of career, life, and of course, procreation.  (The other half of this blog's readership is made up of my parents' friends, of course).  The question you may be asking at this crossroads in your life: "Is parenting for you?"

Parenting may be for you if you want to enjoy the finer things in life, like finishing cups of tea while they are still hot or showering.  

Parenting might be for you if you want to keenly savor moments like using the toilet without an audience, and eating a meal that you don't have to cut up into small pieces for someone else.  

If you look good in hats, try out parenting, because you may only be able to wash your hair once a week.

If you truly want to rediscover the joy that is driving alone in your car like the day you first got your drivers' license, parenting could be for you!  

If you want to find new zeal in mundane trips alone to the grocery store, again, parenthood.  Nothing can make sure a 30 minute trip to the store means that you open all your car windows and blast Beyoncé as though you've just been released from prison quite like parenting.  

Do you enjoy absurdist literature at all?  If so, parenting could be for you!  Never before will you have said with such regularity turns of phrases like "We don't put apple slices up our nose" or "No, we don't lick the toilet brush".

If you want to ponder the big questions like "Is there a German word for 'Desperately hoping your child falls asleep and then immediately looking at pictures and videos of her with longing once she does?'", then consider parenthood.  

If you want to sincerely appreciate the sheer, unmitigated joy that is a deep, trance-like, session of sleeping in on the weekend, then I suggest parenthood, a very sympathetic spouse, and some excellent ear plugs.

I was brushing my teeth in preparation for passing out into a deep, coma-like series of naps for the night the other week when the husband thought he would join me at the sink.  I startled him and said "No.  Nope.  Get out."   I was completely serious.  "What? You want to do something by yourself without an audience?  I can't understand why..." he said, facetiously, because he too, can truly appreciate the finer things in life.