"Did I shave my legs for this?" ~Deana Carter

I haven't shaved my legs above the knee in weeks.  I'm blonde so I can just barely get away with it, but I think I'm partially fooling myself here. And because I'm so blonde that I generally look like one of those Renaissance portraits where the women were into shaving all their eyebrows off, I just got my eyebrows and eyelashes tinted professionally.  (The aesthetician also offered to perm my eyelashes into a curl, but upon examining them more closely, laughed out loud, grabbed my hand and said she was sorry but they were so short it would not be worth my money.)  This is about the most bourgeois thing I have ever done, but this way, I don't have to think about drawing them in every morning and thus not looking like Tilda Swinton upon leaving the house.  This is all because I have a toddler.  And this toddler is in a severe separation anxiety phase right now.  To date, she has cried two separate times when I have put her down on the floor next to the toilet so that I could use it.  So I now prioritize things in my general maintenance.  My toddler, for example, tries to snuggle with me while I am wielding a curling iron, which is, unfortunately, only terrifying for one of us, so I have basically had to forgo that entirely for the time being.

A friend recently said that were she to write a parenting memoir, it would be titled "I should have peed first".  Just visit any mom forum and find any number of threads on how to make oneself a presentable human on a regular basis when one can't even finish a cup of tea.  I have seen entire threads on online mom forums just about dry shampoo, which, by the way, is my new best friend.  Contrasted with the husband's routine, the standards of appearance to which I am held seem to take an impossibly long time.  Trust me when I say I don't want to take the time to style my face or hair, but I like the result.  And the husband does take care in how he looks, but as long as he is wearing pants to the grocery store, he's pretty much good.

To make it all worse, there is what I will now call "should culture" all over the internet.  A brilliant marketing strategy, "should culture" includes "articles" with headlines like "10 Things Every Woman Should Have In Her Closet By Age 30", (I'd better get on finding that perfect trench coat soon since I'm a few years too late already...)  Then there are titles like "5 Simple (but amazing) Hairstyles Every Woman Should Master" or "10 Shoes Every Woman Should Own".  Well, I've knocked a good seven of those essentials off of that list because of my foot arthritis.   I just saw a an ad for "30 Things Every Boston Family Should Do This Summer".  "Should" according to whom?!  30 things?!  Really, 30?  If I complete four fun family activities this summer, I will be more than pleased with myself, because other activities will include flopping on the couch while my toddler does laps and you know, things that have to get done, like making dinner and emptying the dishwasher.  Don't even get me started on when Pinterest figured out I was pregnant.  "20 Items Every First Time Mother Must Have in her Hospital Bag".  Newsflash; you need some stuff for sure, but those lists will be the most elaborate pack lists you have every seen.  I didn't even take that much on my two week honeymoon.

The newest trend that I find paradoxical though, is what is most recently coming up in my internet ads.  I seem to get an increasing number of targeted posts telling me that I'm missing out on "the most comfortable sheets you will ever sleep on", the "world's most perfect bra crafted by MIT scientists", (which, P.S., does not come in my size), and the "the world's most perfect yoga pant".  It seems that when the internet doesn't have me confused with a plus sized, pregnant,  Jewish grandmother, (which is not often), the marketers have pegged me as a millennial.  And though I consider myself more of an "xennial" or member of "Generation Catalano", one thing I do see as a distinct generational shift is that millennials are more concerned with streamlining.  They are not interested in filling up a suburban home, (which they couldn't afford anyway) with a bunch of seemingly useless crap.  Because now, you can have the ULTIMATE pair of jeans, for example.   So at the same time our culture glorifies American excess in things like perfect gender reveal parties, bridal and baby showers, first birthdays, hospital bags, kids' activities,  the list goes on and on, we must streamline only our household?  

So, I am mostly trying to "let it go", so to speak.  (And no, I haven't seen Frozen yet, because my daughter is still really little and we have plenty of time before we are forced to watch it with her ad nauseam.)  I don't need the perfect yoga pants, because they don't exist, because newsflash; everyone has a different body to put into those yoga pants.  Also, I'm laughing out loud at the idea that I have time for/interest in yoga right now- hilarious!  My bras and sheets are just fine and my kid doesn't need to be in Mommy and Daddy Day Camp everyday.  The world is still so big to her right now that the occasional dog being walked on our street is just about as exciting as Disney World would be.  I do struggle with my hair and makeup standards, because I don't want to become one of those stereotypical moms who lets go to the point of not caring anymore, but here's hoping I can relinquish the time spent more often and just be happy with myself.  Extra baby snuggles should make up for a little hair frizz.

My daughter and me at the playground near our house.  It turns out, she hates the swings.